It’s no secret I’m a huge fan of the phrase “worry about yourself.” It has kept grounded during emotional moments of overthinking and doubt. 

Living a mentally luxurious lifestyle is about protecting your time, your energy, and worrying about yourself. 

But how can this mantra be put into practice? Here is what it means to worry about yourself: 

What it means to "Worry About Yourself” 

1. Learn to say no

   Part of protecting your peace is making sure not to over-commit your time and energy. After reflecting on unhealthy patterns you have to refuse to remain trapped.

   
   

   I consider myself to be an extrovert. I recharge from spending quality time with quality people but I often confuse this for my only source of joy, constantly choosing my friends even when it was harmful to myself.

   
   

   Multiple nights in a row I'd find my self searching for an excuse not to be alone with my thoughts, my discomfort with alopecia, and my discomfort with my current reality. When I wasn’t hanging out with friends as a way to feel better as myself, I was struggling with my thoughts. I used my friends as distractions. I was putting off tasks and neglecting my emotions on a daily basis.

   
   

   I had to learn to say no without feeling like a bad person for turning down a request from friends. Saying no was a commitment to use my time to solidify healthy patterns. I needed to take time, check in on myself, reflect, and journal (And actually do the meal prep and mental prep I put off for weeks) to achieve the peace of mind required to enjoy life.

   
   

   Saying "NO" is an intentional decision to be in control of my peace no matter the circumstances and take responsibility for my happiness without relying on the presence of someone else. 

   
   

2. Make yourself a priority 

   We give so much time and attention to others we forget to ask ourselves if we are receiving the care we need. It can be easier to take on the problems of others rather than deal with your own. Instead of taking responsibility for our health (mental, emotional, and physical), we procrastinate. We give our energy to others while neglecting our needs. Charge your batteries first. But how do you recharge? What brings you joy and peace? What does your happiness look like? 

   
   

   Maybe it's a certain song, a certain movie, time with friends, or time alone?

   Ask yourself, "What do I need when I'm stressed? Anxious? Overthinking?" 

   
   

    Question what you truly enjoy, listen to your body, explore new things, and reflect.  Make sure your needs are taken care of before you give your time and attention to anyone else. 

3. Refuse to let others tell you who you are

   People may make rude comments to you about your hair, shape, size, or color. Don’t allow the opinions of others to make you feel small.

   The fear of what others will say or do will keep you from boldly living. 

   People will try to pigeonhole you to what they think you are: clumsy, ugly, blonde. Then we internalize those comments and begin to build an identity around them.

   
   

   When we hear things we don't like, that make us feel small, unheard, or unseen. We develop a fear of future situations that can make us feel the same. 

   
   

   At any given moment you are nothing but pure potential. The narrative you tell yourself is the only one that matters. If you aren't speaking positivity in your life, then what are you doing? You can choose to exercise power over your life or just exist. By refusing to let others tell you who you are, you are allowing yourself to thrive in any situation. 

4. Treat yourself like a friend 

   Some days your friends shine exceptionally bright. When I see it I compliment that energy.

   One day, I was talking to a friend, "I'm loving the energy you're putting off today," I told him.

   
   

   "Thank you! I compliment myself every day to keep my energy up!" he replied.

   When I asked him to elaborate he had told me that every morning he looks in the mirror and says something along the lines of "Who's that handsome guy?", "Hi, there good looking", " My god, there's a rockstar in the mirror!" (Okay, I added that last one but you get the point.)

Such a simple act of self-kindness. It got me thinking. When was the last time I said positive statements about my appearance? In fact, with alopecia, there were so many days where I didn't want to glance above my hairline in the mirror.

Treating yourself as your best friend requires speaking from a place of positivity and kindness. The same way you check-in with them and wish the best for their happiness and growth, check-in with yourself.

Promote your own well being and take responsibility for your joy.

Bonus: Feel your feelings

Alopecia does suck. And it’s frustrating to always be in this in-between state of hating it and accepting it. If there was a 100% effective cure I’d 100% want it. It’s not just hair. It’s our identity and confidence and serenity all wrapped up and falling out follicle by follicle. And somehow I have to find peace in all of that while learning how to separate who I really am from my appearance. It's okay to have rough days. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. Some days you will just need to vent. And that my friends, is living a mentally luxurious lifestyle.

One more time for the people in the back! Self care is important. Worrying about yourself is not selfish.