Joy After Alopecia is Reflecting On Locs To Loss

Getting locs was a commitment and losing them was devastating.

November 2012, I finally made the decision that I was going to loc my hair. I had grown out all of my relaxer and experienced an allergic reaction to synthetic hair that temporarily cost me edges and caused me to cry daily. I was ready. I still remember sitting in the chair the first time the stylist started twisting my hair with the infamous and awful orange gel I had been warned about. Guess what? It turned my scalp orange and was just a mess. Locing my hair take two consisted of a chatty Kathy that while she did it the correct way, it just wasn’t good energy. Finally, I connected with a great loctician, Deshonica Kerrie who later referred me to Sheena Sade.

My journey from 2013 to 2016 was amazing, I had great length, was able to achieve some very cute loc updos and even got a touch of color. However, the hair enemy #1 did creep up on two occasions in 2015 and 2016. I became stressed and a couple of locs did fall out and I had some small patches.

I still remember sitting in Sheena’s chair in 2016 sharing that my dad had been diagnosed with Cancer. 

I literally burst into tears in her chair. She comforted me and gave me a regimen to help my hair regrow. She also reminded me that I had to figure out a way to manage my stress. The good news is my hair grew back both times. All was good with the world;  at least that is what I thought.

My 2016 stress was my dad’s stage 1 diagnosis of Mesothelioma, a rare but aggressive form of Cancer that had invaded the lining of his right lung. The lining was removed in April 2016 and by August 2016 he was getting radiation. By October 2016 I was begrudgingly re-acclimated to living in New York and had found a new loctician, Sheny Nefer in Brooklyn, NY. She too was great, had great energy and helped once again do the regimen Sheena had given me when I saw a few more spots. After learning from her and a few other trusted sources this term, “Alopecia,” I decided to go see a dermatologist.

I researched a Black Dermatologist and found one in NYC. I took off from work and ventured to NYC to see someone I thought I could relate to and who could understand what I was going through. She was the worst. The only thing she did confirm for me was that I did in fact have Alopecia. Actually, Alopecia Areata. I changed my diet, joined a gym and tried to manage my stress. But then the Christmas holiday came, and my family learned that my dad’s Cancer was back and we were all shocked. More Cancer meant more treatment, i.e. chemotherapy.

January 12, 2017 his first day of chemotherapy was stressful. Also, we were all starting to notice the impact of the Cancer on my father. He had lost a lot of weight, so his clothes were really baggy, and his appetite was all over place. February 14th, valentine’s day, the day that was about love, became about anger and pain. The day started with me gifting my dad a toy car and keychain similar to what he had given me February 14, 1998 when he bought me my first car. By lunch time I was in my office on the phone with my learning that the chemotherapy wasn’t working, and the Cancer had advance to his abdomen. He was now in stage 4. I lost it in my office.

I was losing my dad and I couldn’t do anything about it.

As the months went on things only got worse until the day my heart was broken in half, August 19, 2017, my dad had passed away.

Stressed is an understatement. I was overwhelmed. I was angry. I was sad.

This was a huge loss and I really had no clue how I was going to get over it. The grieving process had started and then I lost my job because the organization closed. My transition to 2018 began with loss, with a splash of hope thanks to Dr. Osei Tutu. I was rocking pretty close to a mohawk through no decision of my own. Through topic treatments, injections and mild diet change December 2018 my hair grew back. Professional stress crept up in 2019 and I mourned the loss of my hair loc by loc.

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There were locs under my work conference room tables, co-workers handing me locs, locs on my pillowcase, locs on the bathroom floor…I lived in complete fear of when a loc would fall out and who would see it. By April 2019 I met with Dr. Osei-Tutu.  I realized this loss was going to be permanent and that I had to take back control. I had to cut the remaining locs.

As I mourned the loss of my beautiful long locs, hair loss I also birthed Joy After Alopecia.

Joy After Alopecia details my journey to finding happiness and goodness in all things despite the fact that I have Alopecia.

~ Erika Hill

Follow Erika’s Journey

Website: https://joyafteralopecia.com/

Instagram: @joyafteralopecia

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